you said i threw away the 4 yr rs first?

haha. ask urself who was e one who dint treasure me all along this 4 yrs before i really start to lose confidence AND THEN u started to change? and fyi i din threw it away, all along i had it in my heart. i alrdy said the lying part is my fault, but doesnt mean this 4 yrs of rs means nth.

if not i wld not have returned to e rubbish dumb to pick up our memories.
if not i wld not have cried, plead, beg for you.
if not i wld not hav almost entered depression.
if not i wld not hav suffered insomnia.

if u wanna blame me for all the wrong, carry on like i said, it shows just how shallow-minded you are.. only looking at e surface! =)

n u said i proved to you all guys are the same? and u said before when you were still wif me that u wun fall for another guy so easily when u brk wif me? it will take a v v long time for you to heal? omg.. wat thrash. so is either

1. you are lying.
2. you are a hypocrite.
3. you are dumb cuz you alrdy said all guys r the same and you still get tgt wif another guy.
4. anything that comes out of your mouth, is pure rubbish.

pls pick one. =)

------------------------------

"when you are around, everything else around you seems so unnoticeable, so insignificant.. dat's kris for you."

ahh.. imu~

i think im suffering from krisspression =)

------------------------------

jerlyn pls rest in peace.

i bliff the loser n coward who caused your death will get apprehended soon.

let god look aft her.







keep blaming me sumore ok? =)

shows how you only look at the surface and what a surface-dweller you are.

u have nv thought bout the roots of the problems.

u can blame me for lying i accept it. but y did i lie?

what were the events that lead up to this. has this so called events/problems existed long ago all because it was left unsolved and uncleared that lead to this?

all you can think of is "he lied he lied he lied". shows how shallow you are you know?

purely judging by the surface and not deeper. =)

giving me ur so called 3 chances after you have REALLY changed after these 4 yrs of how u treated me before? but even more chances to the dog in the future? how magnanimous. if there is an award for generosity, you wld hav clinched it. without doubt.

saying ur happy etc will just disgust me even further.

i alrdy know and it proves even more u had ur first session wif him =)

plz stop embarassing yourself even more. lol. loose ****

u really make me disgusted.


luckily, kris you brighten my day. =)







today's exchange of sms has really enligten me alot..

you have totally absolve yourself of all blame for the state we are now..

how wonderful =) congrats! prove to me even how wat a person u really are =)

and also you always call me childish? haha. plz reflect on your behaviour today.

a pot calling the kettle black. how ironic.

makes me feel u r really hopeless too..

have ur fun enjoying ur SESSIONS wif ur mate **** =)

a perfect match. a **** and a *******.

dun ever le me c u again. thx =)







ur right.. my fren..

by scolding her etc. im just going down to that level..

since love means just dat much to her.. ok den so be it..

enjoy ur love life wif ur mate..

next stop.. gucci wallet

KRISSANATION~~~ ahh!







u've proved how flirt, how easy, how fucked up, how loose, how desperate, how unreliable, how unfeeling, how dependent and how untrustworthy u are..

"dun worry, i'm here for you, jus ignore wat he says.." AWW! how sweet!
he's thr at e right time again.

u've gotten ur revenge! congratulations! =)

nice one bitch/cunt/slut/whore.

luckily.. so luckily! dat i regret sayin i wanted to take you as my wife.

such a disgrace.

and i dun see the point having to keep promises i made to bitches/cunts/sluts/whores.

u can blame the whole world but yourself if dat makes you and your mate/fuck buddy/sex buddy/boyfriend happy.







argh. i so dun wan to leave maybank now. =(

colleagues n environment is gd.. if not for my studies =(

im so krissified..

on krissination..

in a krissism world..

im guess im suffering from krissazation..

im so krissanova.. =)

so looking forward to tml =))







very very rough patch..
tranquilizing myself.. =)

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你







ur so cute! =)







hypocritical bitches..







high chance of moving house soon..
family having some serious financial difficulty..
another kick in my face..
n mom's health condition aint getting any better.
from wat i know of the report.
one more kick in my face.
just when i thought things wld get better..
problems keep stacking n multiplying.

u left me at my most desponent, most lowest pt in my life.
i will nv forget this.
thank you v much.
u proved me right.
u took me on a roller-coaster ride once again.







still suffering from imsomnia.

but its ok.

most probably i will get over it soon.. i hope.

lol.

enjoy ur gd karma while u slp.

while i am gainin bad karma for stayin awake. =)

i miss KRIS!!!







aggravated my health problem today..
after today's conversation..

but it shows me who u realli are..
4 years of rs to you means just THIS much to you..
give up is all you can think of.. after us goin thru so much hardships to be tgt..
im utterly utterly disappointed.. by wat u said n ur explanations..
the change is you.. was it only temporary? i guess so..
giving up.. haha.. is this ur aim in life i wonder.. or is it ur forte..
n u mentioned u wanted to have ur own business in the future..
either its a lie, or its meant to be a joke.
but wadeva it is.. ive finally seen thru wat love means to you..
love means you can get over n give up a rs we fought so hard for in just 2 wks.
love means you can like another guy in just 2 wks.
n im suffering the after-effects of ur first failed relationship.
u will never get out of the shadow of it like you said.
how shit can this get.
makes me feel like an asshole..
for i dunno why did i cry so much these few weeks for..
ur not worth my tears..

when guys fall for another gal, they r called a flirt..
when a girl likes another guy, it is natural..
this is the stupid norm dat has been goin on in singapore.
ridiculous.

anyway, i STARTED the whole of this like you always said..
everything is my fault.. ALL along was my fault ALONE..
you are ABSOLVED of ALL blame alright..
i'll shoulder everything.
just put all the blame on me..
u are too good for me..
ur too high for me to reach..
a peasant can nv be wif a queen.
a crap can nv be wif a princess.
a mortal can nv be wif an angel.

sorry for lying to you,
pestering u,
being disrespectful to you by smsing u in the middle of e nite, calling ur house n ur company.
a mortal peasant just cant have the great sense of what the higher beings are having.
this rs was wrong from the beginning.
it was all jus wishful thinking of my part from the start.

i agree wif you, you have won and i have PROVED ur decision was right all along.
since dat's wat u oways wanted and wish for.
which is a peasant is NOT worthy of an angel.
but plz dun make it sound as if you ever looked back before.. the way you say it..
as if you had thought bout your decision.. when you never at all.
i suggest you change the way you say it

dun worry, i will get my bad karma for this
while you can continue earning your good karma points with the guy
if that is how you look at it..

enuff said..
i'll be the ultimate bad guy and end here..

---------------------------------------------------

kris.. ur lovely..

kris kris kris kris kris =) =) =)

kris kris kris kris kris kris kris kris ~~

and im gonna save up for a klee kai.. too adorable..

from now.. i'll work to nurse back my health n live for myself..

though im not sure if i can totally get well considering wat e doc said..

mayb left wif a few years.. or months? lol.

godspeed recovery.. pray for me.. =)

someone once told me "life is too beautiful to be hating someone"
finally realise wat it means..
rather spend e energy n time to love..

i love KRIS, my frens, and my family~







did u guys catch the channel 8 pm show?
when christopher lee told jessica liu that he dawn n her have nothin to do with each other..
she did not believe at first..
but at least jessica liu went to confront dawn to find out the truth..
even when christopher lee said he only treated dawn as a sister..
at least she did TRY to salave the rs..
at least she bothered to try to find out the truth when chris lee told her time n time again he had nth to do with her..

but somehow.. you did not even wan to try when i told u the truth..
dat i had no feelings for her.. dat i onli treated her like a sister..
you did not want to believe.. you chose to deny whatever i said..
u chose to forget.. u chose to gave up..
i said if you do not believe let's have a meetup n see if im tellin lies..
you chose to escape.. and believe in yourself n other rumours..
you rather go with another to see if it can work out.. and compare and hurt me in the process..
you are jus too afraid of how others look at you..
is this really wat love is all about..?

if this is wat u called love.. den love to you is just nothing at all.. its jus say and no action..
the little 10% hope that you told me all about.. and crushed it instantly.. was all just lies..
and i haven yet thank you for it..







medical results finally out..
finally know what's wrong with my body..
bad.. v bad.. worse den i expected

problems mounting and never ending.. haha..
who knows..? no one..
who cares..? no one..
a smile is wat u all will get..

you were once my pillar of support..
where are you when i nd you most now..?

你不在
当我最需要爱
你却不在
无尽等待像独白的难捱

你不在
高兴还是悲哀
你都不在
我受了伤再偷偷好起来







蕭敬騰-原諒我

請不要分了以後 還記得親吻過的承諾
你的永久已不屬於我
默默低頭 那時我很多話哽在喉嚨

你的笑 你的快樂 不是我愛太多 想太多
我能感受他比我適合
愛放了手 我偽裝冷漠 比你先說分手

請原諒我 原諒我不成熟
不愛你是藉口 好讓你離開我
請原諒我 好想自私將你佔有
一個寂寞就給我承受 換你過更好的生活

請不要分了以後 還記得親吻過的承諾
你的永久已不屬於我
默默低頭 那時我很多話哽在喉嚨

你的笑 你的快樂 不是我愛太多 想太多
我能感受他比我適合
愛放了手 我偽裝冷漠 比你先說分手

請原諒我 原諒我不成熟
不愛你是藉口 好讓你離開我
請原諒我 好想自私將你佔有
一個寂寞就給我承受 換你過更好的生活

愛過恨過哭過也笑過
親吻過你的脆弱 其實我比誰都要懦弱

原諒我 必須假裝愛錯
別讓時間倒流 我怕說不出口
原諒我 沒有解釋太多心痛
別無所求 徹底忘了我 愛原來要捨得

我難過 我才懂







wandering..

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me

Lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me







these songs describe exactly how i feel..

我們的愛
我明白 已變成你的負擔
只是永遠我都放不開
最後的溫暖
你給的溫暖

每一夜閉上眼睛
我看到了惡夢
你微笑 但是旁邊的人不是我
天空切開一道裂縫
直接割到我心中
不想裝作脆弱
也不想愛的懦弱

其實我非常愛你
不想失去你
難道我沒有權利說我不願意
你給了他的吻
雖然只有餘溫
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心

我知道他很愛你
你怕他傷心
我每天假裝開心
害怕你離去
可不可以任性
求求你不要去
藏在我心裡最後一句
其實還愛你

where'd you go..
i miss you so..

有时候忘了珍惜　
伤害来的太无意

争吵愈狠痛愈深刻　
然后不断自责　
我们都忘了最初的快乐

如果分离是唯一的解脱　最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过　遗憾让我来过

就算过去的回忆太脆弱　连未来也没有我　
爱着你　仍是我的执着

让你哭泣对不起　为了爱承受委屈　
说过的承诺　其实还没忘记

走到感情关键时候　却握不住你的手　
还能有什么藉口　让爱再回头

多少的爱说不出口　
就让时间帮我说话　我一个人拼命挣扎
总比两个人一起难过还好吧








从现在开始，我只疼你一个，
宠你，不骗你，
答应你的每一件事都要做到，
对你说的每一句话都是真心话，
不欺负你，不骂你，
相信你，
别人欺负你，我会第一时间出来帮你，
你开心，我为你开心
你不开心，我就逗你开心
永远觉得你最美
做梦时会见到你
在我心里面，只有你

忘　我沒有很努力要自己去遺忘
那些和日記一起收藏的過往
孤單在思緒之中變得很漫長

想　我沒有很刻意讓自己不去想
那些和照片一起靜止的模樣
我學著堅強　堅強到不用學著不想　學著遺忘

還是害怕夜深人靜時總想起你
還是害怕不經意的聽見你的消息
然而當愛已經沉澱得太清晰
當擁有已經是失去　就勇敢的放棄

還是會害怕一個人時就很難忘記
還是害怕突然寧願當初沒有決定
然而當愛最後的出口是分離
我會這麼相信　走下去

i guess this might be my last post.

you said you might regret one year down the road that you leave me now..

but by then.. it might prove too late..

like i said.. if you realli get tgt wif the guy..

i cant be tgt wif you anymore.. becuz i really cant take it anymore after the past experiences..

in the mean time.. i will still continue to work towards gainin back the trust of everyone..

it is a race against time..

it is a race against myself..

it is a race to see if i can gain back ur trust in time to walk down the rest of our lives together..

whether you would allow me to hold your hand one last time.. and never let go.. and we walk down the rest of our lives together..

or you chose to just end it once n for all n nv trust me again..

i hope you will think deeply through with your heart..

though you said before you have thought it through, but i know you have not really sat down and think through carefully..

furthermore.. i believe the guy adds one more barrier to the way you think..

so i really sincerely hope you can clear all barriers.. and think it through clearly one last final time with your heart..

does your heart really think the way you said..

do you really want us to end this way..

do you wan me to walk down the rest of your life with you trutfully and faitfully..

i love you..







10 promises i made to myself.

1. never to lie to my friends or anyone again.

2. trust my friends.

3. work towards gaining back the trust of my friends.

4. never to cry for any gal again.

5. love myself more.

6. have more confidence.

7. have more dignity.

8. try not to think.

9. make more money.

10. carrying out my plan of working for a better future. this time for myself only.

-----------------------------------

time.. you took back what i thought was mine..

time.. you have shown me how unfeeling and ruthless you can be..







i finally know what it means by

"当男人哭到很凄惨时，他的心, 真的碎了。。。"

u will be the last and only woman i cry for.

每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦难以释怀
每一次 kiss you goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落如果你回头看
不用在意

---------------

我的心真的碎了。。
但这一切的一切都是因我的谎言造成。。








我猜　你早就想要說明白　我覺得自己好失敗
從天堂掉落到深淵　多無奈

我願意改變 (what can I do)
重新再來一遍 (just give me chance)
我無法只是普通朋友　感情已那麼深　叫我怎麼能放手

我感激你對我這樣的坦白　但我給你的愛暫時收不回來
So I 我不能只是 be your friend　I just can't be your friend


no matter what happens to me from this minute on,
jus take care of yourself..

and know one thing..
i have never ever like her anymore e moment i got back wif you..
not now.. not one minute.. not one second..



in 1 min.. i did this.. i cant take it.. it really hurts alot..

i dun wan you to leave me..

i dun wan you to forget..

T_T

drinking into oblivion.. gb..







drove around aimlessly..

to clear my mind.

to stop myself from thinking.

but instead it was the reverse.

and i found some secluded spots which i dunno whr e hell is it..

so dat i cld stop fer a while and clear my tears..

and i jus reached back..

nevertheless.. the sense of helplessness jus doesnt lift.

i look to my left.. i cant see you there..

how i wish i was driving you around..

in the night breeze..

im very tired.

very very tired..

yet i still have to pull myself to work..

hope you hav enjoyed urself.....

though i din not..

not one bit..







i looked at the pics..

and i started to feel sad again..

i just can't stop thinking of you..







im dying inside..

and nobody knows it but me.







im missing you..

so much..

so much..







overwhelmed by emotions when i woke.

haix.







gloomy monday.

gloomy tuesday.

gloomy wednesday.

gloomy thursday.

gloomy friday.

gloomy saturday.

gloomy sunday.

everyday is just the same. dark and gloomy.

im starting to fall very sick, can sense the rot in my body..

sigh..







i woke up again.

just as i tot.

and im not sure if my body is starting to rot.

i look to my left.

empty.

to my right.

empty.

and a feeling of sadness overwhelmed me.

i felt a lost and sad feeling injected into me..

how miserable..







im v sad and disappointed you said that.

you make it sound as if i treat u as a spare.

but the fact is u are the one and only.

i wan to make it clear one last time dear.

i wan you back has nothin to do wif her.

she's not angry or angry, upset or not upset. i dun care.

i only care bout you.

and i want you back is all becuz of you and my feelings for you.

nothing and nobody else comes close.







我只想要靠近 也很想要抱紧
回想到那过去 和现在新的你
我还想要参与 你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去

When I'm miles away
And I still feel your touch
When I make mistakes
And no one gives up
When you're in my arms
Baby you're still not close enough
That's how I know it's love

A girl like you is impossible to find..
Impossible to find..

我对以往的感触那么多 曾给我幸福的你
我依然深爱著
有一种想见不能见的伤痛 有一种爱还埋藏在我心中
我只能把你放在我的心中
这一种想见不能见的伤痛 让我对你的思念越来越浓
我却只能把你 把你放在我心中
对你的声音 你的影 你的手 我发誓说我没有忘记过


im missing you every sec every min of every day.
i just wanna hug you and tell you i love you everyday.

still cant slp well at nite. sigh. every nite i wake up in the middle of e nite thinking of you.. no one else but you..









ur right my fren.

some ppl really like to interfere too much.

haix.

shant say names.

wat im afraid off. is not the path towards gaining back the trust of u, ur loved ones n ur frens.

it is the moment you ask me to stop trying anymore.

dat kills me. instantly.







each min is just living hell.

each min it cracks even more n blood drips even more.

but i will pull myself on, drag myself on.

till i finally reach u.

till i finally hold ur hands again.







all ppl say is 'dun think so much', 'dun go think'.

but its easier said than done.

my mind cant stop thinking bout u.

it took me 17 to numb my brain.

n still counting.

im not out to make u worried.

i jus wanted to c u once more.

and it helped me but i still could not hold you.

like i told u. i dun wan to stop trying.

it hurts so much. really so much. but i'll drag myself on every step.

no matter how bloody it gets. no matter how maimed i get.

slowly each step and each step. until it takes me back to you.

crying uncontrollably. save me.







having a v v bad hangover..

and i hadnt eaten a thing e whole day..

my whole head hurts like mad..

my whole body has no energy..

miraculous i did not get into an accident..

my heart really broke.. into many tiny pieces.. when you say 'give up'

n im tryin to piece them back together.. each time u smash it again..

it hurts.. real bad. so so bad.. crying. i cant help it.

i dun blame you. its karma..

remember last 2 days when i fainted in the train?

no one bothered to help me during that 5 mins.

n i mean NO ONE. n i was like lying on the floor for 5 mins.. imagine dat.

only 1 person offered me his seat aft i woke up.

but wat's e use? shows how ugly ppl are.

n im one too. so i deserve this. v v much.

i dun even noe wat im typing already becuz im startin to hallucinate.

im all dried up.

but no one bothers..

gd bye..







no matter how hard it takes

no matter how tough the road will be

i will try my very best and my mean my very best

to win back ur trust

i may fall down

i may get chided by many

i may get insulted by others

but wadeva it takes

i will do it.

i love u







im sry for not being by ur side when you need me.

i really feel like slappin myself now.

my mind keeps replaying over n over again.

i need something to numb myself.

but im sry..

i really am..

if u nd me, im jus a call away..







fuck.

i blacked out on the mrt. for 5 damn mins!

fuck.

fuck.

fuck.

omg wat e hell is happening to me?







im startin to get tired.

tired of everything.

u all can be the gd guys, the saints, the samaritians, the holy and pure ones.

i can be the devil, the bastard, the loser, the fallen one.

im seriously sick of all these. cuz its no pt. if all ur life, u all jus wanna point fingers and not solve the prob, and half year down the road, or 1 year later, or even 10 yrs later, u all still continue to point fingers and filter off everything i say n do to show u im not lying anymore, its useless for me to say anything den..

wishin myself to get well soon.

how funny.

gd luck to everyone.







i woke up again.

im feelin feverish.

yes.

perhaps its the lack of rest these few days.

sigh.

how i wish i cld jus slp n nv wake up.

how i wish if overdose cld lead to comatose.

b strong wj.







firstly wld like to wish my dad happy birthday.

and also wld like to tell him sry for causing a person whom you all regarded as a family member to be absent.


im really friggin friggin tired.

i wan to slp but i cant.

but im scared i wld wake in e middle of e night.

thinking of you again.

when overdose leads to comatose...

haix







i am considering to shut down this blog or making this blog a private one.

instead of venting out my frustrations, its becoming a source of frustration.

if u think im lying, why do you bother to continue reading?

this blog im bloggin wadeva i think and feel.

if u think i have so much time to conjure up so many lies, den ur wrong.

time is running out for me.

so if you guys think im lying, i suggest you all stop coming.

i noe u quit ur job and feelin v down, i wan to be by ur side.

but i noe u wun let me, and i wun blame you so, jus tc alrite?

i block you on msn, is not cuz its easier to block u.

is cuz u wan me to stop contact wif u n i noe if u cont to do that, it wld also make both of us more miserable.

if i knew things wld come to this stage, i wld really hav block her earlier on.

cuz i realise i really cant do without u, but its too late.

and to you my so called fren, if you have so many unconstructive comments i suggest you spend more time reading the entire section on the left. did i not highlight that unconstructive comments are not welcomed?

if u think im a wimp, den ok im a wimp.

when i said I NV BLAME YOU ALL, i NV BLAME you all.

if you hav so much time in hand, i suggest you do something else with it.



shelter for me? anyone?







i shld hav kept my mouth shut.

i shld not hav told u anythin.

now it makes me dun wanna go home.

now it makes me so pissed off being nagged so much at.

now it's me against the world.

ur happy i guess.

im far from it.







im like a typical zombie.

eating lesser n lesser each meal.

focusing lesser and lesser.

growing weaker and weaker.

and my mind's thinking of her more and more.







感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落如果你回头看
不用在意

这感觉　已经不对　
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给

i know what you are up to.

i can see you wan me dead.

haha its alright.

my life's worthless anyway.

i guess u really have not a drop of feeling left for me and all has turned into hatred.

somehow part of me really wish u can find a gd guy.

and another is still yearning for your return.

and i noe if you really get with another guy this time, i will hate the guy and you.

and the chances of us gettin back then is really zero. cuz dat is my maximum limit.

though it was me who caused it, i cant help but feel this way and i dunno why.


the japanese food fair is back. but this time, i guess i wun be the one shoppin beside u.

zero sales today again. yeah.

sacked soon =)

因为你我爱上了夜的黑

it's night again. the torture and mutilation is coming back.

now my eyes hurts so much in the day. i guess its cuz i cried too much yesterday.

i love the night now. i hate the day.

cuz during the night i feel so mutilated.

im becomin sadisitic every second.. dat's good..







我懷念的是無話不說
我懷念的是一起作夢
我懷念的是爭吵以後
還是想要愛你的衝動

生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了
生日快乐 泪也溶了
我要谢谢 你给的你拿走的一切

this year will be a lonely birthday. i know it.

and i asked for it. cuz its all my fault.







this negative feeling is building up so badly.

that i feel one day i will hate myself so much.

that i really dun ever wish to see you again.

to prevent you from seeing the state i am in.

to prevent you from being upset again.

and to prevent the trigger of a floodgate of emotions of me.

i will go crazy if i ever see you again if that happens.

somehow the urge to tattoo HATRED on my arm jus came back again

but this time this hatred is directed at myself..

wat an irony.







melody tan shi ying.

where are you?

its been nearly 8 years since i lost contact with you.

and just when i finally found someone that gives me e same feeling as you.

she's been mistaken as my gf.

where are you sister..?

sigh.

its 9.37.

my eyes are all red. and i have totally no mood to go to work.

anyway, i recorded an all time low of ZERO sales yesterday.

at this rate im gonna get fried and fired soon.

but it's ok.

i have no more use for the spare cash anymore.

no one to share e joy too.

they can terminate me if they wan.

i don even feel like goin for the interview already.

24 hrs a day. 0.5 hrs of slp.

everything is just going haywire

i am going haywire =)

double whammy.







i tell myself.

startin from this moment on.

i will try my very best not to think.

though it really pains me alot.

and though i have to face it myself without my so called frens.

i will b strong..

but can i..?







its 4am in the morning.

and yet i still cant slp.

my mind is exhausted.

tears are still trickling down.

and tml i still have an interview.

what a joke..







im in the wrong all along..

SO SO WRONG..

Y MUST I REALIZE IT ONLY NOW..

----------------------------------

time. if you really have a way of taking back what I thought was mine.

please give it back to me.

i would give up life for it..







made some changes to my loves and desires on the left.

do you realise it...







i know you hate me to the core now.

for lying to you.

for hurting you.

for opening ur wound time n time again.

i dunno if you still have any feelings for me.

do you still love me at least a bit?

cuz i do love you so so much.

even more than before.

even more than we first started out.

dat now if you ask me to touch the sky i would gladly give my life for you.

for i have finally found and realize the someone i've been looking for all along..

was you.

i could not kick myself for not realizing it early. so i hit myself with a pole.

every second im thinking of you.

i cant eat.

i cant slp.

i keep crying till my eyes are hurting from the light.

it really hurts so bad. very very bad.

god. wat should i do..?

wo ai ni.

ni hai ai wo ma?

ni zai na li..?







call it karma.

call it retribution.

call it wadeva u wan.

im suffering the aftermath.

alone.

at least u have ur frens.

im happy for u.

i love you.

but its too late.

110304 will forever be etched in my mind.







take me away, a secret place.
a sweet escape, take me away.

take me away to better days.
take me away, a hiding place.







what do i get for trusting a wrong person outside the picture..?

4 years of memories down the rubbish bin.

when i saw it.

let me tell u. my heart broke that instant.

everyone is a good guy. except me.

i can only blame myself.

cause i’m broken when i’m open
and i don’t feel like i am strong enough
cause i’m broken when i’m lonesome
and i don’t feel right when you’re gone away







too many thoughts.

but too confused and sad to pen down.

i just wan to highlight to whoever who pass by this blog

DO NOT TRUST ANYONE AND I REALLY MEAN ANYONE.. EXCEPT URSELF.

DO NOT EVEN TRUST CLOSE FRIENDS AND UR FAMILY.

i learnt it the very hard way.

bs not once, not twice.. thrice..

now i know why ppl high up the corporate ladder have so little friends.

because they believe no one.. they only believe in themselves..

that's how they become so rich, how they become so powerful.

n it's time to wake up and learn from my lessons.

like i told ppl b4, if they CANT keep a promise, if they CANT shut up,

do NOT tell me you can. i have been tricked yet again.

n when i said i WUN tell anyone bout ppl's secret, have i told..?

NO! why? becuz i believe in keeping a promise.

that's how i learnt.

now do i have any other choices besides shaming myself? and then seeking to clear my name?

i feel so wasted.

"there were NO miscalculations".. that REALLY is my biggest miscalculation..

trust?

what's that?

祈求天地放過一雙戀人
怕發生的永遠別發生
從來未順利遇上好景降臨
如何能重拾信心

就這樣被你征服切斷了所有退路
我的心情是堅固我的決定是糊塗

my personal blog to vent out my stress and frustrations.
kindly leave if you hav unconstructive views or comments or keep them to yourself.

Hidden Sorrows




07081986
my closest, lowest points in life
如果我不是黄伟杰, 那该会有多好..


bitches
chilling out
ktv
dota
ktv
driving
cars


i need..
money and bitches
=)





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